An Old Couch, Some Sheets, and a Few Bottles of Beer Part I

Don't worry, this is a PG-rated post.

We need a new couch. Unfortunately, since I have yet to figure out how to turn being a stay-at-home mom into a lucrative career, a new couch isn't in the budget right now. I've read blogs about moms who buy everything  using money they make through SwagBucks, taking surveys, etc. I've tried them, too. At the rate I'm going, a new couch is only 362 years away.

Our couch has two problems: 1. The frame broke 2 1/2 years ago and has been held up with a stack of books since then. My husband, who is about as handy as I am crafty (i.e. not very), had said he was going to fix it, you know 2 1/2 years ago. 2. It is just getting gross. My daughter was an epic spitter-upper when she was a baby. Also, she wanders into our living room with food and occasionally her sippy cup. She drinks Pediasure with chocolate Carnation Breakfast Essentials, and that shit stains. So yeah, we need a new couch. 

Slipcovers are expensive. We have a chaise with our couch, and apparently they don't make a lot of slipcovers for couches with a chaise. So after some extensive research--really, I research everything to death--I came across some YouTube videos on how to cover a couch with a sheet or two. Bingo! I started to get that DIY high I get when reading about projects. So easy! No sewing! Looks...like you covered your couch with a sheet. Which was fine with me because anything would be an improvement really, and it would cover the books.

I'd buy cheap sheets on clearance; how much could it cost? Apparently no one wants 200 thread count sheets anymore, and my first three stops were a disappointing bust. That left one more place to try. I'm pretty sure I could actually feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it. I had to go to WalMart. Ugh.

To say I am not a fan of WalMart is an understatement. I call it my flea bath, the place I hate more than a cat hates a flea bath. My husband calls IKEA his flea bath. Hmmm, as I'm typing this I realize that in the past I've marveled about the low cost of their sheets. I probably should've gone to IKEA....

Anyhoo, according to my online sheet research, WalMart had cheap sheets. So I went there. I am convinced their parking lot was designed by third graders. Seriously. The entrances all come in at an angle to the parking lot, creating a weird triangular intersection. Two sides have a stop sign and one doesn't, but no one ever seems to be able to figure out who's supposed to stop and who isn't. Gah! I did find sheets, but not at the super low WalMart cost I was expecting. At that point I didn't really care and bought three queen-sized sheets and a Snickers for $38 or so. The Snickers was going to give me the energy to tackle this project. The devil voice in my head told me me buy it. It was also telling me I should have just bought a slip cover.

(Pretend like there's an "n" in "Discout." I'm too lazy to figure out how to fix it.)

To calculate how many sheets I'd need, I measured the couch and used what I learned in high school geometry. Oh wait, no. No I didn't. I didn't even measure the flipping couch. I just figured king-size would be too big and twin would be too small. And that I needed three sheets because two didn't seem like enough, and I didn't want to pay for four. 

I'll continue with my couch covering adventure in the next post, but I'll give you a sneak peek: I told my husband this was the worst idea I've ever had. Oh, and I drink some beer.